i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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