im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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