You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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