fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize