Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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