you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hippo gnu deer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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