remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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