Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
