I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
