I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize