every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
