i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
