I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
