I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
