He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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