So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
