My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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