She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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