By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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