Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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