Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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