C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
