are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
