I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
