She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my poor anus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
