Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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