Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Even my vagina gasped.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
