"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
