oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
