I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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