she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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