I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
