Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
