I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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