Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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