Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
