Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
