guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
