he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can I color on your dick again?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
