he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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