I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize