Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
