Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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