He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
