My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
