Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
whose parrot is this?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize