We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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