It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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