Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your penis caused this!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
