I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
