I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
