i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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