pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize