What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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