He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
