In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
