she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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