I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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