i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
