the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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