I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize