What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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