ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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