Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
