so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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